i think my tv is drunk
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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