This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
