summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
