I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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