do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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