I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
