Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
