She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just found puke in my bra..
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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