Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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