I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
