I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
