Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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