the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
