whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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