remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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