I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
