when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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