Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
