Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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