I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
How's work?
Spinning.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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