Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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