i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
