My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
