just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Someone came in the potted fern
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
