worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
