I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
