we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
