My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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