the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
