While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
