Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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