It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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