we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
