We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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