I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
