I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
