At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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