once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
