This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
