Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Randomize
