The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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