and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
