he shaved USA in his pubs
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
