My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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