Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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