the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
