We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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