your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
do herpes really smell.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
