Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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