Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
